Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm bleeding and have questions
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
