I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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