4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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