Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
