Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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