i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i dont even know how to be here
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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