If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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