she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
