I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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