I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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