I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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