At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
