i already hear my dad disowning me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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