My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
