shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
