sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
