White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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