Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
two words...techno handjob
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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