If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
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Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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