Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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