She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
