my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
