Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
