so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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