she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
