gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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