i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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