omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
