Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
