You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
