So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
