Your tits are I can't wait for
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
