Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
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im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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