Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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