i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my poor anus
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
