I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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