Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
