Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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