i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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