The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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