i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
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