The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
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If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
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And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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