so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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