a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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