i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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