My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
