We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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