i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
