I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
