Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
