Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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