Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
