dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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