This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
