Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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