So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
