ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
