Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
