Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
