i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
