i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
