i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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