cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
