i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
