He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
