He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
