I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
