I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize