you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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